


i guess i’ll go home (into the arms of the girl that i love)

by serenesapphic



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Carol and Monica, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, carolmaria, jealous carol, toddler monica, worried monica
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 17:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20029939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenesapphic/pseuds/serenesapphic
Summary: the one where someone hits on maria





	i guess i’ll go home (into the arms of the girl that i love)

**Author's Note:**

> hi i’m back!!! i’m actually pretty proud of this one, it ended up way longer than i intended but i worked hard and it may be my favorite so far!!! oh also i’m seriously considering making this a collection of one-shots so please let me know if you want more of the Danvers-Rambeau family in this time period! my twitter is @/carolsearp and my tumblr is @/alittlemermaid in case you want to make suggestions or anything. thank you sm for reading <3 <3

It was early October, and the air was still heavy with humidity. Shades of deep orange and bright yellow tainted the emerald of the leaves as they sped by. The seemingly endless asphalt glistened in the midday sunlight. Carol let her eyes drift closed behind her Aviators for a few seconds as her fingers wiggled in the wind. Her entire forearm was outstretched as she grinned, feeling the sunshine on exposed skin. She felt free here, safe. Her mind wandered as she looked into the pale blue, practically cloudless sky. She might as well be up there right now. At this moment, Carol wasn’t being questioned, discouraged, disowned. The deafening noise of criticism was drowned out by the rough breeze beating in her eardrums. She bit her lip, trying desperately to savor the moment.

“Where’s your head at?” A voice questioned over the sound of the wind.

Carol turned to the left to meet the other woman’s eyes. Well, as best as she could while they both wore sunglasses. She chuckled, feeling light.

“Right here, babe,” she responded, “Yours?”

“Same place it usually is.”

“And where is that?”

“On you,” she answered nonchalantly, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. Still, Carol’s stomach did a backflip. She ducked her head to hide the blush spreading on her cheeks. She simultaneously loved and hated the way this woman made her feel. Really, she just loved it. The vulnerability was terrifying and new. The way the words of someone else could make or break her day, her week, her year. Carol spent so long assuring no one’s comments could affect the way she felt, she had to. But with  _ her _ , it was different. Carol couldn’t ignore her racing heartbeat if she tried. 

“Well, it  _ should _ be on the road. You’re gonna get us killed,” she said in an attempt to deflect.

“Oh please, Danvers, I could get us there with my eyes closed and you know it.”

Carol scoffed. 

“How cocky.”

“Besides, I’d rather look at you.”

“And why is that?” Carol asked with a raised eyebrow.

The other woman smirked.

“Don’t push it.” 

But her slightly threatening words didn’t match her soft tone, they rarely did. Seconds later, Carol felt a strong hand lay on her upper thigh, and she instinctively covered it with her own. They rode like that the rest of the way, basking in each other’s presence.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Do we need milk?” Maria asked as they walked past the freezer aisle in Rouses Market.

Carol briefly thought back to the previous night. After Maria went to bed she and Monica had eaten cookies and milk until their stomachs hurt and watched cartoons until they fell asleep. It was a Friday night, and Monica declared that they deserved a reward for making it through all five days of the week. Carol agreed. 

“Probably.”

The journey around the small store didn’t take long despite the lengthy list of things they needed to buy, although Carol slowed it down by consistently asking for snack cakes that she “knew Monica would want”. Maria eventually caved simply because she wanted to get back home. 

Carol was focusing on gently placing the items on the small conveyor belt at the register when her ears perked up at the conversation happening right beside her.

“I don’t think I’ve never seen you in here. New in town?” A deep southern accent drawled out. Something about the voice’s tone rubbed Carol the wrong way and she looked up to investigate. The cashier was the one who had spoken, and he was a man a bit younger than herself, maybe 26? He had deep brown eyes and a wide smile, both of which were aimed directly at Maria. Carol bit the inside of her cheek but forced her attention on unloading the cart.

“No, I’m not. Just trying out a different store. The one by my house didn’t have the milk I wanted,” she replied with a smile.

The truth was that Carol had gotten them kicked out of their usual supermarket when she’d gotten into a heated argument with another shopper over the last case of beer. He made an offhand comment about how drinking beer wasn’t “ladylike” anyway, and it was only downhill from there. She’d apologized to Maria afterward, but the damage was already done. Carol was no longer allowed to go shopping alone. 

“Well, I’ve gotta admit, I’m glad they were understocked if it sent you my way,” he said with a crooked smile.

Carol froze. This man was blatantly flirting with her girlfriend, and after a moment of processing, she realized there was nothing she could do about it. She and Maria had had a number of conversations about not jeopardizing their careers as pilots by coming out. As much as they’d like to be able to flaunt their relationship, it just wasn’t realistic, especially with Monica in the picture. It was dangerous, and Carol knew there was much more at stake for Maria, so she’d followed the rules. No PDA. No pet names. No discussion of their home life in public. When others were watching, they were nothing more than best friends. But today, at this moment, Carol desperately wanted to throw caution to the wind. She wanted to kiss Maria senseless, or at least hold her hand. It wasn’t about possession, Carol knew she didn’t own Maria. But she was in love with her, and it’d be a lot easier to express that if the world knew about it. Her thoughts were interrupted by Maria’s response.

“How sweet,” she said with a laugh. 

It was forced, but Carol only knew that because she’d heard Maria Rambeau’s genuine laughter almost every day for years. It was one of her favorite parts about Maria, one of the first things she’d fallen in love with. She couldn’t bear to hear the fake version of it. She sped up the process of moving the groceries. 

“Oh, I can show you sweet,  _ baby girl _ .” The name slid through his lips in a way that made it clear he’d said it a million time before.

Carol grit her teeth. This couldn’t be happening. She’d never felt so useless in her entire life. She could easily take this guy, and Maria knew it. Carol wondered if that was why her girlfriend had avoided looking at her since the man started the conversation.

“Uh-” Maria hesitated, pondering how to respond.

The man only laughed and continued, ignoring her obvious discomfort.

“You know, a gorgeous woman like you shouldn’t have to carry all these groceries by herself. Wouldn’t want to ruin those perfect arms of yours.” He added with a wink. 

Carol wanted to gag. She’d finally finished emptying the food items, and she watched as the man - Ryan according to his nametag - scanned them as slow as humanly possible.

“I’m not by myself,” Maria shot back. She watched as Ryan noticed the blonde for what seemed to be the first time. 

She, too, was getting fed up. But Maria had learned to have a higher level of patience than Carol could ever understand. She could be faced with the harshest of words and blatantly offensive actions yet remain completely calm. Her passion was controlled, a skill perfected over years of being punished for expressing herself. Yet when his comments inadvertently dismissed Carol, Maria found herself more agitated than usual. Ryan paused at her subtle aggression, clearly confused.

  
  


“I’ll be fine,” she continued, encouraging him to resume checking out the items. When he finally did, she looked over at Carol and met the fire in her eyes. Maria gave Carol a look that they both knew well. It very clearly said,  _ Keep your cool, Danvers.  _ It wasn’t as stern as much as it was pleading. Carol’s gaze was receptive but still frustrated, and she felt her fists clench tightly. But the next grocery store was miles away from their home, and she knew keeping everything behind closed doors was important. So Carol gave in, offering Maria a curt nod. She looked back at Ryan and was slightly surprised to find him staring directly at her.

Ryan cocked his head to the side, looking between the two women. Something seemed to switch behind his eyes. Carol focused her gaze on the short line of food waiting to be scanned. The sooner they can get out of here, the better. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take. The cashier, however, was only just beginning. A thought developed in Ryan’s mind, and he made the wildly incorrect decision of letting it come out of his mouth. 

“What are you? One of those  _ dykes _ ?” he spat out with disdain.

That was all Carol needed to lose it.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You are-” she began loudly. 

But then there was a warm hand covering her fist, stroking her fingers with a gentleness that was impossible to ignore. Carol leveled Ryan with a glare as she uncurled her fingers and intertwined them with Maria’s. Every part of her body was on fire, but Maria’s touch cooled her down enough to keep her from exploding.

Ryan was taken aback by the outburst and quickly finished bagging the grocery items.

“Cash or credit?” he asked hesitantly, somehow maintaining the eye contact Carol refused to break.

Maria let go of Carol’s hand to take out her card and give it to the cashier to swipe. He did so quickly, finally looking away from the blonde woman. Within moments, Carol and Maria were walking back to the car with their hands full of plastic bags. They were silent.

Carol opened the door for Maria, as she had done since Maria first got pregnant, and quickly returned to her side so they could leave. 

—————————————————————

The day passed at a painfully slow pace. As soon as they got home, a blur called Monica ran right into their legs, squeezing tightly. Carol and Maria laughed, refusing to bring the tension to five-year-old Monica’s awareness. Maria paid the babysitter as Carol took Monica outside for a previously promised game of airplane. This lasted far longer than the woman had intended, but she just couldn’t resist that Rambeau smile.

Later, Maria sat on the back porch and watched them play, her eyes light and her heart heavy. She knew they would have to talk about it. She also knew both of them would much rather do anything else. It was the hardest part of their relationship, hiding it from the rest of the world. Sometimes, she found herself jealous of couples who only had to worry about who would do the dishes that night or how to plan their next date. One day, she hoped the world would evolve enough to accept them. In the meantime, Monica came first. Then their jobs, and consequently their safety. The sight of her family gleefully enjoying each other in complete isolation began to bring tears to her eyes. Whenever Carol took Monica to the park, or to the store, or really anywhere outside of the house, they got strange looks and condescending comments. Before, Monica was too young to understand. But she was growing quickly, and it wouldn’t be a mystery to her for much longer. Maria couldn’t stand the thought of it anymore and escaped inside to start dinner. 

Carol was startled by the slamming of the back door and put Monica down momentarily to catch a glimpse of Maria. But she was gone. Carol sighed, words and feelings building up almost to the point of release. Then, Monica pulled on her sleeve and she melted into those brown eyes. She would talk to Maria tonight. She had to. 

Thirty minutes later, Carol and Monica were being called inside. They ate dinner fairly quickly and asked Monica all about her day with the babysitter. The toddler told animated stories with excitement and wild gestures. For a few moments, the grocery store didn’t matter. The women were lost in the love they had for their child. 

It was Maria’s turn to tuck Monica in that night. She had just closed “Stellaluna” and was giving her a kiss on the forehead when Monica spoke unexpectedly.

“I think you should tell Auntie Carol you love her.” 

Maria sat up, confused but intrigued. Monica knew of their relationship, of course. The house was the one place the couple could openly love each other. They taught her to address Carol as her aunt for safety reasons, but all Monica really knew was that she had two parents that loved her as well as each other. Hence, Maria’s confusion.

“She knows that already, silly,” she responded, deciding not to question why Monica believed otherwise.

“Yeah, but I think she forgets sometimes.” Monica paused and squeezed her eyes shut in what seemed to be an attempt to collect her thoughts into words, “When she was looking at you today… she looked sad. Instead of happy, like normal.”

Maria’s heart broke. She had been so focused on avoiding talking to Carol about the day’s events that she hadn’t even considered that her girlfriend thought she was being ignored.

“Oh. Well I’ll talk to her tonight, yeah? Don’t worry,” Maria says, hoping Monica wouldn’t be concerned.

“Will you tell her you love her?” the girl asked, eyes wide and inquisitive.

“Yes. Now, go to sleep, Mon.” Maria stood to leave the room.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Maria blew her daughter a kiss and Monica caught it with a giggle. She cracked the door and headed to her and Carol’s bedroom.

Maria opened the door slowly in case Carol was asleep. She didn’t know whether to feel glad or disappointed that Carol looked up at her as soon as she walked in. Still unsure of how to begin, she changed her clothes - silently noticing how Carol’s eyes were glued to her body - and slid into bed. 

When Maria got pregnant and asked Carol to move in with her, Carol became extremely vigilant, and insisted that she not only sleep in the room with Maria, but take the side closest to the door. Maria didn’t complain. Even as their relationship evolved, their positions in bed remained the same.

Several minutes passed as the two women sat in the dark. Their minds swam with words unspoken and the tension in the room was unbelievably thick. Carol opened her mouth only to close it again. Maria did the same. Finally, neither of them couldn’t take it any longer.

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

The phrases came at exactly the same time and the women began to laugh. The moment chipped at the ice that had formed between them. Maria was slightly surprised to hear Carol apologize, though, and was the first to speak again.

“It’s-“

But Carol cut her off, intentionally this time. She sat up and cleared her throat, clearly nervous.

“No, it’s not okay. It wasn’t cool and I really am sorry, Maria. I know we’ve talked about the million reasons we can’t come out and I swear to you I understand it, really I do!” 

“Carol -“ Maria tried to interrupt, but she barely heard it. 

“I know we can lose everything, and I never want to put that at stake. I just… I felt so  _ helpless _ . You’re my girlfriend! And he was being so  _ disgusting _ .”

“Carol -“

“And I knew you were uncomfortable, but I also knew you didn’t want me to react and god Maria, I got so overwhelmed and angry I completely lost control and I am so so-“

“Carol! Baby,  _ stop it _ . You’re hurting yourself.” Maria raised her voice and sat up to finally catch her girlfriend’s attention. 

Carol furrowed her eyebrows, besides her rapidly beating heart and shortness of breath from ranting she felt fine. Then, Maria ran her thumb over the blonde’s tightly closed fists, urging her to open them. Carol did, and there were eight deep red crescent moons embedded in her palms. A couple more minutes and she would have broken skin. Carol hadn’t even noticed it, and she looked up at Maria, unsure of how to continue. But she saw a tear on her cheek and immediately knew to wipe it away. Maria ducked her head and tried to laugh to offset the immense vulnerability. 

“Maria…” Carol started.

“No. My turn. Carol, I forgive you. Of course I do. Baby, I know you would never do anything to intentionally hurt this family. You’ve proven that over and over again. Today doesn’t change that. I could never be angry with you for trying to protect me. He was repulsive, but I expected that. And I can take it, I promise.”

“I know you can, I just-“

“Hey, I’m not done,” Maria said softly, “You were acting on impulse, like you always do. And sometimes, that’s good. This time, it didn’t really work out in our favor but that’s okay. Because your heart,” Maria places her hand on Carol’s chest, “ was in the right place. Just like it always is. And I’m sorry I ever made you think I was upset with you for following it.”

Maria swallowed, indicating she was finished. Carol didn’t respond though, she just stared into Maria’s eyes. Monica’s eyes, really, just bigger and wiser. She was flooded with emotions and she had no idea how to articulate them. So, Carol placed her hand over where Maria’s still lay over her heart and intertwined their fingers. The little pulses of pain from the pressure on her palm were insignificant when the love of her life was looking at her like  _ that.  _ Like she was her world. Words couldn’t capture the honor she felt at having Maria Rambeau’s heart in her hands. But her lips could. 

Carol brought her other hand to Maria’s cheek and closed the small gap between them. The women melted into each other, and neither of them said it, but it was in that moment that they both knew everything would be okay. They kissed until they couldn’t breathe, and then rested their foreheads against each other, savoring the moment. The world may be terrified of them, misunderstand them, hate them. But in that moment, it was just Carol and Maria, two women hopelessly in love with each other. And that was all they needed. 

Carol was the first to move, feeling the exhaustion from the rollercoaster of a day hit her hard. She gave Maria one last peck and laid down on her side, facing the door like always. Maria followed suit, lying down and slipping her arm around Carol’s waist to pull her closer. Carol couldn’t hold back the grin that spread across her face. She leaned entirely into Maria’s touch and exhaled for what felt like the first time that day. Maria kissed her neck and intertwined her fingers with Carol’s yet again. They were warm and soft. Their bodies fit together perfectly, just as they always had. 

Maria was drifting away when she heard the whispered words float through the room.

“I love you too.”

  
  



End file.
